7 Steps to Change a Shitty Life, Step 3:Stop taking responsibility for other people`s shit.

Step 3: Stop taking responsibility for other people`s shit.

I said in the previous post,  that most of the shit in our life is controlled by us,  and we need to take personal responsibility for cleaning our own act up.   This means, , that EVERYONE needs to take care of their own shit.  There is no reason why, after taking care of our own shit, we need to worry about what others do with theirs. 

In fact, we have to stop all of our frantic efforts trying to solve the problems of others, and concentrate on our own issues. We have to clean up our own backyard, then  let others to figure out what to do with theirs. We need to see and take care of the boulder in own our eyes, before giving advice to others as to what to do with the splinter in theirs. 

 This does not mean we cannot help, support, or teach others.  However  we must never work harder than the person we are trying to help.

It  takes only one person to change a shitty diaper, but the diaper must want to change.

Taking responsibility for other people`s shit takes three forms:

Making Excuses, Taking the Blame, and  Blaming

Making excuses for ourselves or others, taking the blame or placing the blame on others are just other forms of complaining, and like complaining, all three of these are done for the same reasons:  attention seeking, validation, or to get Someone Else to Do Something About IT!

Like Complaining, Making Excuses, Taking the Blame and Blaming  are completely useless.

Making excuses, taking the blame and blaming others are just other forms of complaining.  When we are making excuses for ourselves, we are in fact blaming or circumstances that we believe are beyond our control. 

When we are blaming others, we are complaining about others.  

When we are taking the blame, we are making excuses for others: we blame their upbringing, their experiences, their circumstances, that bitch of their first wife, that asshole of that second husband, we make excuses for and find blame Somebody Else for what others feel, think or do.

By blaming, taking the blame or making excuses for ourselves or others, we are basically ascerting and complain that things are not in our control. 

Making excuses, blaming, and blaming others either create a sense of guilt or a sense of anger. Anger and guilt are twin sisters: they are both illicit complains that our needs for comfort, validation, or attention are not met. Guilt and Anger are both born out of the same sense of helplessness, and, not surprisingly, along with learned helplessness, are the major cause of anxiety and depression.

Let me make this clear: making excuses for someone, including ourselves is not the same, as exercising compassion, empathy and understanding to ourselves or others. 

Everyone and I mean EVERYONE is born with the same potential, with the same innocence, with the same need and ability to love. All  human beings who rely on others for comfort, for protection, for care and for love. We all (maybe with exception of psychopaths) WANT and intend to be nice people, we WANT and intend to do our best, we want to love and we want others to love us.

We do our best based on what we have learned to be best, and we do our best according to the information that we have. Unfortunately, since none of us grew up in a perfect world, raised by perfect parent, in a perfect neighborhood in a perfect community, since none of us lives in a perfect world and none of us perfect, we often end up making the wrong choices, we often end up hurting ourselves and others in the process.

It is my belief, that everything we do, everything others do, we do in name of Love: that perfect sense of comfort, peace, connection and the feeling that we are safe from physical or emotional discomfort. This is true for even psychopaths, narcissistic and sociopaths except their love is a misplaced and misguided love. They think of themselves so much, they need their needs met so much, there is no room left for empathy, compassion or love of others.

When we blame others, we are asserting that we are good and others are bad. When we blame ourselves we are asserting that we are bad and others are good. The  word is not either good or bad, it is not black and white and neither are we.

At the end, all we can do, all we HAVE to do is to take responsibility for our own actions, to learn from our mistakes and to do good whenever and wherever we can.

If we all took responsibility for our own actions and choices and support others, but refuse to make excuses for ourselves, or for others, if we refused to blame ourselves or others, we could clean up all the shit in the world, and indeed, this planet would be a heaven on earth.