Step 2: Clean up your shit!
If you are complaining about something more than three minutes, about two minutes ago you should have done something about it. -Caitlin Moores
It is our human nature to feel from time to time, that we are innocent
victims of circumstance, and that the shit that happens in our life is Someone Else's fault, never ours.
Are you more interested in finding fault, or are you interested in changing things?
It does not matter whose fault it is, finding fault, finding "who is responsible for this" will not on it own help, unless it is followed by action. Sometimes, it is really Somebody Else's fault, but even then, if Someone Else won't do anything about it, you will have to do something about that shit.
Imagine, the neighbor's dog keeps doing its do right in the middle of your front yard. Day after day, the same thing. You've complained to the neighbor, but she is ignoring you, and day after day, the dog keeps leaving little piles on YOUR grass. At this point, you have several options, but at the end of the day, either you learn to live with the dog bombs in your front yard, and step over them, or you clean it up, and build a fence to keep the nasty dog out of your yard.
When the shit lands in our yard, it is OUR shit and OUR problem now and WE have to clean it up.
If we want less shit in our way, and in or life, we must stop
complaining about shit, and do something about it. Someone, (not Someone Else) needs to clean up and Everybody, -that includes you-, have to clean the shit in our
own yard and in our own life.
People's complaint in general fall into three basic categories:
1.
Things that we control
2.
Things that other people control
3.
Things that no one controls.
Complaining about a
situation that no one controls is useless.
You might
complain all you want about the weather, changing seasons, aging, what other people feel, say or do, you might complain all you
want about taxes and death, and it will
not do a damn thing. Nada. Zilch. Zero. You can learn to live with it, to protect yourself from the negative consequences as much as you can, and you can even learn to enjoy going through that stuff. You might never learn to love the rain, but you can learn how to dance in it.
Complaining about a situation
that others control is useless
Complaining to a person who is
causing your distress is most often not effective. Most people, with the exception of sociopaths
and psychopaths, cause you distress either by accident (they do not know their
shit bothers you), they cause you distress because they do not know any better
(they have not learned how to clean up their shit yet) or they are causing you
distress for the same reason why you complain about them: in order to get your attention. Nothing gets a person's attention like a big
pile of shit in the middle of the living room.
Complaining about the lack of commitment of a person
who is unwilling or unable to commit to you is the equivalent of trying to sell a ten year cell phone contract to a person who would rather do pay as
you go.
You might be complaining to Someone who is ready and willing to help, but they are the
wrong person to handle your complaint. For example, complaining about your leaking toilet pipe to
the gynecologist, or about the strange rash you are experiencing down there to
the plumber will not get you relief from either the leak or the rash.
Complaining to your girlfriends about your cheating husband will not stop him
from fooling around. Complaining to your left door neighbor because the right
door neighbors dog is shitting all over your front yard will not prevent you
from stepping in dog dodo. Complaining to your boss about your headache and
terrible hangover from having a little too much booze last night might get you
fired. Stop complaining to people who can not or will not do anything about your
problem.
Most of the things you
complain about are under your control.
Yes. You have
heard that right. ALMOST everything, except, maybe death and taxes are under
your control. You see, you are an adult now. You are no longer a helpless and
dependent child, who is unable to either get out of a situation or to do
something about it.
In EVERY situation, even those you do not control, even in
those situations no one else controls, you are in charge and YOU only can do something about it.
You are in charge of
your thoughts, your decisions, and you are in charge of your actions. Every action, or inaction for that matter has consequences, and you must be
willing not to be complaining about collateral damage, unforeseen
circumstances, and you should never, ever complain about natural consequences.
Even when you do not control events or
situations, you are still in control of your actions and reactions to them. YOU ARE IN CHARGE AND YOU CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT WHATEVER YOU ARE COMPLAINING ABOUT!
If you live
forever complaining about shit, you will have no time to do anything else: after all that complaining you will have
no energy left and regardless of when or how you die, your
life up to that moment will be shitty...And THAT, ladies and gentlemen is the
truth, and it that is some deep shit.
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