"Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally… Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world."-The Four Agreements, Don Miquel Ruiz
Taking things personally comes naturally to most of us. We view the world around us from our own perspective, from the viewpoint of our ego, personal experiences, feelings and thoughts. We create our own, "personalized" version of the Universe, therefore, in our mind, we are all the centre of the Universe. In our mind, everything that has been said, has been done or happens around us affects us personally, therefore, it must be personal. Yet, the impossible notion that the world revolves around us, but others have complete power over what we think, how we feel, and how we behave is only in our mind.
We are both the creator and the centre of our Universe, we are Masters of our Own Domain, but everyone else is in the centre and masters of their Universe. Our Personal Universes are all the same in the way that each and every one of them are highly personalized, one of a kind and unique.
Taking things personally, assuming that everything others do, say, think or feel has to do something with us personally is a form of magic thinking: we lead ourselves to believe, that we have a direct effect, therefore control over "changing another person's mind" and therefore controlling their actions, feelings and beliefs about ourselves.
Most of us assume, at least some times that we "know" and therefore can change what others feel, think, and that we know better than themselves the reasons for their behaviour or actions. Yet, and most of the times, we do not even have control of our own mind, our own thinking, feelings and reactions not to mention that everything that we believe about our own self, our own personal Universe is not necessarily - and most often not - true. Our truth is only a version of many truths, and what we believe to be "true" changes all the time.
Taking personal responsibility for our own thoughts, feelings starts with acknowledging that no one has the power to "make us" feel good, bad, and no one is responsible for our actions towards others, but ourselves.
A tremendous amount of relief and power comes from the understanding, that nothing that happens in the Universe happens "to us", simply happening "around us". Similarly, no one can do anything "to us", they are simply doing things around us that might or not have an effect on our inner or outer personal life, but have nothing to do with us personally.
A relatively easy way to keep our personal feelings, thoughts, actions and reactions in check is to drop references to "I", and "me" from our thoughts and conversations, and acknowledge that things are not necessarily what they "appear to be". Next time, when you catch yourself thinking "He is angry at me", change your thought to the simpler, and more accurate "He appears to be angry". Instead of saying: "I think you do not like to be with me", say: "You appear to want to spend time alone".
Take responsibility for your own thoughts and feelings by dropping personal references to the other person and their actions. Instead of "You make me angry", simplify the thought to "I am angry". Instead of "I think you hate me", think or say: "I feel unloved".
Of course, things are much simpler and much more complicated than that. But personally, although I find it quite difficult not to take things personally, I feel much better when I congratulate to my Self for "making me happy", than when I believe, that other people "made me sad".
